Demented Family Part 3: Daddy Dearest

Daddy~

My father just like my mother was a rebel, but in a more sophisticated way. He never got caught when he caused trouble, mostly it was just revenge from people picking on him, and they never even knew it was him who got them back. He smoked pot, like the rest of my family, and drank, but he was always about control, he knew when he should stop and he did.

After he graduate from high school, he went straight into the army. He was the best at what he did, top of his class in sniper and reconnaissance and going undercover and that sort of thing. One time when we came back on leave, he was about 21 I think, he meet my mom and they hit it off before he left.

Nine months later I was born but he was still away and wouldn't even know about me until he came back 2 years later. When he meet me he said that it changed his whole life. He had planned on continuing in army, but with me around he didn't want to leave me without a father.So he put away his army gear and became a security guard to pay child support. Of my sisters father, mine was the only one that payed child support every month.

My father knew a lot of famous singers and bands when I was little, mostly rock or metal bands, and I would meet them as well, though I don't remember. I do remember going to the bars he would work at and sitting next to the speakers and loving it.

I would go to my fathers about once or twice a month sometimes less, sometimes more. But the older I got the less I visited until finally I would only see him about 4-5 times a year. We grew apart from the bond that we used to have but that bond is still there, trying to make it self known. That will be so hard to fix now.

Last weekend, my father and is girlfriend of three years moved to New York so that she could go to school there to become a fashion designer. It's not that I don't think he should have gone, because it really is good for both of them, they deserve to be happy together, it's just that I'll miss him.

Not only that though, it's always I don't think he was a good enough daughter to him. The past 5-6 years that we've grown apart, every time I see him he always says the same thing to me. "You need to go get a job, you need to do better in school, you need to put your future ahead of having friends, you don't need them now, you can find better ones later in life." The last thing he said to me before he left was, "I don't even know what to think of you anymore."

Is that what a father say before he goes away and wont see his daughter for who knows how long. Is that what he thinks of me, that I'm not good enough, that I shouldn't be happy now because it will ruin my life later?

Maybe he is right, maybe I do need to fix myself up.