Even when I'm with you, sometimes I believe I might as well be alone. But at the same time I couldn't think of ever leaving you for an extended length of time. Why is that? Why is it I feel compelled to do whatever you wish, regardless of my well being in the matter? I don't think I could ever say no to you, even if I truelly wanted to.
I want to make you happy, I want to see you smile. But when I see your lips curl up in happiness, I know it just means I have to try harder next time because once you've had a taste of what you love. Once you know that feeling of joy that runs through you when something good happens. It just means you want more of it. Anything equal to or less then what you have isn't good enough for you, you must have more or it isn't worth your time.
So why do I stick by your side so closely when all I get is neglect? When I'm with you sometimes, when it's just me and you, you act as though you might care for me, I suppose it may be true, maybe you do. But it's always asthough you have soemthing better on your mind when I'm there. "We need to do this, we need to do that again. I'm bored when I'm not on something or doing something I'm not supposed to do. I don't want to relax, it's not worth it."
You worry me sometimes, but... I could never stop you from doing these things. I could never do that if it meant I couldn't see you smile anymore, even if it's only rarely.
Why must it be I can't leave you or try to save you from yourself? Is it because I love you? No, that's not it, though it is true I love you, only in the most platonic way. When I lay next to you at night, I only want to lay there, nothing more. Is it because I feel I must protect you? Maybe, that could be it. Make sense really.
he first time I saw you, way back then, I was attracted to you in a way I couldn't explain if I tried too. I wanted to be near you and I was, I got what I wanted. When we tried to make it more then just friends. When we made it me and you, it just didn't feel right to me, no matter how much you thought that it did. I couldn't stop the feeling inside I got when I kissed you that I was doing something wrong. So I had to end it, no matter how much it hurt the both of us.
I let you go and you found someone that you wanted to be with and it seemed that you were happy. I left you to yourself with you and her and when i found you again you weren't the girl I left. When she left and you had no one, you can back to me and I made it better for the time being.
And then you showed me everything she showed you and you know what... I loved it just as you did, it felt so good and I wanted more just like you did, but the difference between me and you is that I could control that feeling.
The feeling of want and need that I got whenever I never had the things I wanted. I've had practice with that, my whole life was filled with things I wanted but couldn't have. You though, weren't as lucky as I was, if luck is what you want to call it. You've gotten everything you've wanted most of you life, so why should it change now?
I feel like I should protect you, from yourself and the things you love so dearly. I was put here to make sure you are safe and don't go too far and do something reckless that will kill you. I'll be your control, if you'll be my crazy. I'll be your carelessness, if you'll be my paranoia. I'll be the Yin to your Yang. If only you would let me.
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